my conversation with God & the result

Today I had a nice little conversation with God about how I feel about a being in another relationship. It was a very much needed conversation on my part. While I didn't get any direct "this will happen at this time in this place," type answers, I do feel much better.
My conversation started out something like this. "Thank you, God, for getting me out of my relationship with James. I see where I could be now, and I don't like it. I really don't want a relationship right now." While the first three quarters of that statement was true, I was convicted for lying to God about the last quarter. While I truly desire a strong, healthy, Godly relationship, I recognize that I still have awhile to go before that can truly be obtained.

The conversation than became, "ok, well maybe I so want a relationship eventually, but not right now." At this point, I'm nearly banging my head on the steering wheel, (being that I was driving home from taking my sister to her boyfriend's house... long drive so I started talking aloud...), I realize that I have, once again, managed to lie to God.

Finally, I become completely honest. "God, I want someone right now. I want better than what I had. I want to feel loved and treasured... but I'm willing to go with your timing, even though it might be torture."

The thing of it is is that I really do want someone right now. I want to be held like I'm special again. I want to be kissed like I mean something to someone. I want to be romanced . I want to be swept off my feet by Mr. Right For Me.

Before now, I've felt bad for really wanting it right now. I didn't want to admit it to myself or anyone else that that's one thing that I really really want. God made me realize today that wanting it isn't terrible. I just need to be patient. I need to be willing to submit to God's timing. I need to be willing to go a few more years without even knowing Mr. Whatever You Wanna Call Him. But there's another thing that God revealed to me... He showed me that while I need to be patient, it's gonna kill me if I depend on my own patience. (FYI: Patience is something I've only begun to learn these past few months). I need to depend on God to give me the patience that I need. There's nothing I can do on my own. God put my desire there for a reason, the would be to quench it. I just need God to help me control it.