the Beatles

I love the Beatles. I'm sitting here at work, doing tedious stuff- cutting, copying, etc- and I'm listening to my Beatles music. They could do any kind of music, no problem. But they make me giggle... you can almost hear the acid trip in their music.

"Yellow Submarine" came on and I'm listening to it. I thought to myself, "If acid trips had accompanyment- this would be it!" How many other bands do you know of that could put music to their crazy drug indused fantasies? Kudos!

Rain on the roof

It's getting late and I should be sleeping. I have church in the morning. Yet I find myself lying here, comforted, yet kept awake by the sounds of the rain.

I don't know what it is about the rain. Ever since I was little, it has lulled me to a deep sleep. It's steady rythem comforting, it's pitter-patter melodious. I remember as a little girl I would lie in bed and just listen, I could almost feel the worries of the day melting from my body. I felt almost as if the rain wrapped me in its arms and rocked me to sleep. It's how I feel right now- at this moment. The stress is gone, my heart, mind, soul, and body are all relaxed as I lie here ready to fall asleep.

I smile as my eyes begin to flutter closed, the exaustion from the day and the song of the rain finally getting the best of me. pitter-patter pitter-patter pitter-patter

NEW BLOG! YAY!

So it's been a long time coming. A new blog post that is. It's difficult for me to remember that I indeed have a blog outside of my myspace page. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am in fact still alive! Go figure. The best part, I'm not only still alive, I'm living. Two very different things.

"So what is Dina up too?" you ask. I will answer that! This September I'm going back to school! I'm going to be doing a school on, what I consider, ministry development. It's simillar to a discipleship training school (DTS), but with one seemingly unimportant difference. The students at the Promised Land Equipping Center (PLEC) are encouraged to work. The goal of the PLEC is to have students learn how to keep a relationship with Jesus Christ while similtaniously living in the world. This is something I struggle with. In fact, perhaps something that we all sturggle with. So after a year of going back and forther between being a student at PLEC or a staff member in Oregon, I've finally commited.

On top of thid, I've decided to write a book! For now, I'm going to keep the details to myself. Don't want anyone stealing my plot line. *grins*

Who am I?

Who are you? It seems a simple enough question when taken at face value. However, were one to dig a little bit deeper, its a question that very few of us know the true answer to. These simple three words made me squirm not so very long ago. I had no idea who I was or what I was doing. However, as I mature in the Lord and in life in general, my grasp on this question seems a little more stable. I no longer smile and say, "What can I say? I'm just undefinable me." (If you ever recieved this answer from me, this was a cop out and I apoligize now.) I don't think I fully understand myself, that is, I don't always understand why I do things or why I feel certain way. I don't yet know all my good and bad qualities, but as I walk in the light, the darkness is brought to attention.

So who am I really?

I am Geraldine Rose Kern. Friends call me Dina, and enemies, well I try to stay away from having them. I hate drama. If you cause drama, stay away. I am terrible at confrontations- peaceful or otherwise. I cry to much and some may say I laugh to much as well. But I love both. I hate excersize and until recently, thought I would die fat and alone. This big blond and beautiful girl is tired of believing that, though. I am a girl who is tired of living with ordinary. I want extraordinary. My desires are to grow old with my husband and children in some third world country telling dying people how much Jesus Christ loves them. People say I contradict myself at times, and I tend to agree. My self-esteem is low and yet high. I am mature yet immature. I am a hopeless romantic. My ideal date would be a moonlight picnic at the beach followed by a walk under the stars. I love stargazing and day dreaming. I love sleep a little to much, but will sacrifice sleep for the internet. I love going out and having good times with close friends. I don't like fake people. I love my family and pray for them everyday. I cry for Feed The Children commercials and stories of abused or starving children. I sing in my car at the top of my lungs and I dont care who sees me. I talk to much. I sigh a lot. I think my best quality is my eyes. I like my hair, too. I hate my nose, but will live with it. I think people that get plastic surgery for vain reasons are idiots. I think people that dress their dogs in cute little desses and take them to the mall in their purse should be put in institutions. Isn't that animal abuse? I'm outspoken, but sometimes not outspoken enough.

That isn't all of me, but that's what I could think of for the time being. I have all sorts of issues, but I have so many more awesome traits. I'm not done "Discovering Dina" but when I find out more, I'll let you know

I encourage you reading my blog to really discover yourself as well. A word of warning, however, I am not sure that this is possible without the Lord. When I tried it without him, it didn't work.

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose"...

the over analytical retard that is me

I have been plagued with this problem all of my life. I analyze everyone's actions to figure out what they think of me. While in some cases, this can be really good, there are some cases that end up with me embarassed or worse, hurt.

Looking back on my childhood and adolesence and even recently, I see numerous occasions in which I have somehow or another managed to make myself look stupid, yet again. Boys that I thought liked me had absolutely no interest in me besides that of being really close friends and what not.

The crazy part is that when its time to analyze something, I don't do it! That brings me back to memories of boyfriends I have missed out on, though I liked. This, though I thank God for. I was always spared from the pain of breaking up b/c of this one.

The best example I can think of is my 17th bday party. It was a surprise held on the ground floor of my church. My aunt pulls up to the front (which leads directly into the top floor) with her key to unlock the door (which could have also unlocked the key to the downstairs, which is where I thought we needed to pick something up). Upon telling her that her key will unlock both doors, she disagreed with me. I shrugged it off and didn't say anything, not wishing to look stupid. Meanwhile, I'm clutching an angel bear that I had just made at build a bear bc I'm a tad bit afraid of the dark and my aunt refused to turn on any lights. ( Yes, I did look dumb, shut up) When we got downstairs, I noticed a sliver of light coming through the bottom of the bathroom door. A concerned church member, I decided I could save th church money by shutting off. I stopped short though, after knocking and being greeting by a deep mans voice from the bathroom inside out church at 7pm with all the doors locked. Instead of thinking it through I freaked and ran to catch up with my aunt all the while screaming theres a man in the church. When I caught up to her... she opened the door and there I am with a freaked out look on my face, gripping my angel teddy.... needless to say I felt stupid for not realizing something was up. That mans voice by the way? It was my uncles voice.

This is the story of my life. Yet I know, if it had all been nothing, I would have over analyzed. Then, I would have been dissappointed.

So, I've decided something. On top of all other criteria that my future husband has to meet, I add one more. I can't know that he likes me until a crutal, romantic, God inspired moment. I want a friend that I have no idea has any interest in me to just come out one day and say, "Dina Kern, I love you!"

The man that can surprise me. He has my heart forever...

High School Musical 2 and other thoughts

Is it strange that I thought that High School Musical 2 was one of my absolute favorite sequels ever put out by Disney Channel? Haha! I thought it was so good. Sometimes I feel like a fourteen year old stuck in a (nearly) 20 year old's body.

Anyway, I'm really feeling strange tonight. There was a part of HSM2 that Troy was totally freaked out about his future. That's what I'm going through right now. I guess I'm just now going through it because in High School, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. And now, that's all been shattered. While I'm trying to remember that God's got it under control and not to worry about it, it's tough.

I feel like I want to go back to Salem like right now! My grandmother needs me and I feel like God wants me here for right now. But I just want to hop onto the next flight for Portland. I want to walk through the Saturday market. I want to hang out at Applebees with my twenty or so closest friends. I want to sit in on lectures. I want to bask in God's presence 24/7. I know that I'm not meant to be here forever. I don't think I'll be in YWAM forever, either, but I know that I will be going back, at least temporarily. But what am I supposed to be doing between now and then? I want to do the Galilee Project, but that won't start up till Sept. I can't go this Sept... sooo... I just hate waiting around until then.

I feel so restless. I need to get out of here. I've been on the other side of the world. I've lived outside of these four walls for five months. Once, these walls were protection and saftey, but now these walls feel similar to a prison.Ya know what I need? I need a job. Something to get me out of the house. It's nice to make money while doing it.

Any ideas?

Just tell me how you feel

I can't stand developing feelings for members of the opposite sex. It's a pain in the butt. It feels like to much of a game. I guess the whole thing. You've gotta play it right to not push the person away or let them go to easily. IT'S SO STUPID!!!!!

It's an added pain when you throw in another girl that is truly convinced that the same guy is "the one" that she's going to spend the rest of her life with. After a mere week of talking to him! I can't handle this thing. I just want to forget about relationships for the rest of my life. It's to much of a hassel.

I really wish this guy would come out and say how he feels. He exhibits every sign of being interested, and yet doesn't just tell me. He's gotta know that I like him. It's so obvious. Can't I jsut drop off the radar of relationships for the rest of my life? Or at least rip out the part of me that becomes interested in guys? I mean, it's to much of a pain. Too much of a game. Its just to much. Not to mention I'm terrified of getting hurt again.