I have been plagued with this problem all of my life. I analyze everyone's actions to figure out what they think of me. While in some cases, this can be really good, there are some cases that end up with me embarassed or worse, hurt.
Looking back on my childhood and adolesence and even recently, I see numerous occasions in which I have somehow or another managed to make myself look stupid, yet again. Boys that I thought liked me had absolutely no interest in me besides that of being really close friends and what not.
The crazy part is that when its time to analyze something, I don't do it! That brings me back to memories of boyfriends I have missed out on, though I liked. This, though I thank God for. I was always spared from the pain of breaking up b/c of this one.
The best example I can think of is my 17th bday party. It was a surprise held on the ground floor of my church. My aunt pulls up to the front (which leads directly into the top floor) with her key to unlock the door (which could have also unlocked the key to the downstairs, which is where I thought we needed to pick something up). Upon telling her that her key will unlock both doors, she disagreed with me. I shrugged it off and didn't say anything, not wishing to look stupid. Meanwhile, I'm clutching an angel bear that I had just made at build a bear bc I'm a tad bit afraid of the dark and my aunt refused to turn on any lights. ( Yes, I did look dumb, shut up) When we got downstairs, I noticed a sliver of light coming through the bottom of the bathroom door. A concerned church member, I decided I could save th church money by shutting off. I stopped short though, after knocking and being greeting by a deep mans voice from the bathroom inside out church at 7pm with all the doors locked. Instead of thinking it through I freaked and ran to catch up with my aunt all the while screaming theres a man in the church. When I caught up to her... she opened the door and there I am with a freaked out look on my face, gripping my angel teddy.... needless to say I felt stupid for not realizing something was up. That mans voice by the way? It was my uncles voice.
This is the story of my life. Yet I know, if it had all been nothing, I would have over analyzed. Then, I would have been dissappointed.
So, I've decided something. On top of all other criteria that my future husband has to meet, I add one more. I can't know that he likes me until a crutal, romantic, God inspired moment. I want a friend that I have no idea has any interest in me to just come out one day and say, "Dina Kern, I love you!"
The man that can surprise me. He has my heart forever...
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