My new goal

I was just tearing apart and cleaning my room for the arrival of Dy. I started going through my memory boxes (the 2 boxes and counting in which I store anything that has ever meant a whole lot. It's a chronicle of my past). Anyway, I found the picture of my soccer team in '97 when I was a kick-ass goalie. I mean, granted, I was only ten, but I remember how much I loved it.

I was the team's goalie, and I was amazing! We had a losing season, but that was because of offense- not defense. The stupid ball was always at my end of the field. I hated dragging my butt to practice and I hated the excersize, but I loved the game. I loved the competition. I had all but forgotten that.

I remember one game. They kept me in the whole game. No one else was quite as good as me, not to sound boastful, but it was true. Near the end of the game, I nearly wanted to faint. Like I said, the ball was constantly on my end of the field. I would block a goal and then have to go chase it off the field and set it up for the 6 kick or whatever it was. Like I said, it's been ten years since I played. But at one point, a man came up behind me and started chasing the ball for me when it went out. I remember someone from the opposing team shouting, "What are you doing?!" He replied, "I have to help this poor girl, they won't give her a break!" Turns out, it was the other team's coach or asst. coach.

I remember another time that I was playing my friend, Tommy's, team. He didn't know I was the goalie. I'm not even sure that he knew I was on a mixed team. Well, I blocked his shot and he said to his friend, "Man, she's good." I yelled, "THANKS TOMMY!" I never knew a guy could turn so many shades of pink till then.

All this said, I've decided that I want to start losing the weight not only to look good or to feel good, but so I can play soccer again. I'll never be good because I didn't persue it straight through, but I can at least have fun with it and encourage my kids to play sports and stick with it.

It won't be long!

So Dy's flight gets in on Thursday afternoon. I can't wait to see him! I had an hous lunch with him a couple months ago, but that hardly sufficed.

For those that don't know, Dy is the guy I am currently involved with. He lives in Ohio and I miss him like crazy.

Anyhoo. I might not be able to get him from the airport- and if I don't, that means he'll have hours of alone time with Mammy. That's too scarey to think about. I'm trying to get off work that day. We'll see how it goes. That will be their first meeting too. I called my mom and let her know that he was coming in, and she says, "I wasn't planning on having a BBQ, but I am now." Let's just say, the family is basically pulling out the red carpet for this kid. haha.

I feel bad for him. This will only be his second flight, first one ever alone. So he isn't to sure about what he's doing. I told him that it's easy peezy, but it can still be intimidating. What am I talking about? He's 27- he can fend for himself. :D

Me in a different body

I was a child born out of wedlock. I was the product of a one night stand. Yet, I was always told as a child that I was not a mistake. I knew God loved me, but I couldn't see how I was not a mistake. If the act that created me was a mistake, how could the product, me, not be a mistake? I think I finally understand.

I am not sure who I was talking to- my sister, Katie, I think- and she said something to this effect: "God knows us so well that He can kind of figure out what we're going to do with the choices He hands us. When He realized that these two people would get together someday, it would create a perfect situation for a person He wanted to create." That would be me, my friends. After tossing it about in my head for a couple of weeks, I realized how much sense that makes.

So there I am in bed tonight. And I start wondering, "Who would I be if Gerilyn and Ed wouldn't have been "in the mood"?" And I realized this. Having the biological parents I have contributed to a lot of things that have made me me. The weight issues on both sides is teaching me how to overcome the physical. It's teaching me willpower and perserverance. From the Kern side I get my smile. Because of who my parents are, I was raised with my grandmother, which has mainly made me who I am. But I got wondering, "What does that mean?" and I realized something. Though my personality may be largely different, my soul would still be the same soul. God doesn't divide souls and create them upon need. The sould I have was not split in two to accomidate my body, nor would it have been had I been born with another body.

All this realization has done for me has added to my revelation that this body that we cling so closely to is a mere mask. It's not who we are at all. We reside in it. It gives our souls something tangable, shelter of sorts, in which to live. Someday, this body will die, but we will live forever, no matter where we choose to live. It simply another phase of life. A transition, if you will, from caterpillar to butterfly. The caterpillar is like the soul before it gets a body, the cacoon is the body, and the butterfly... well. you get the analogy. Its such a short time that the butterfly is in the cacoon in comparison to his amount of time alive. He doesn't treat it like his perminant home. Why should we treat our bodies like that?

A body is like a hotel, but it's up to you to decide how many stars your hotel gets, granted.

So I'm here for a short visit on earth. I like your planet. My daddy made it. I'll be going home someday soon. I miss my daddy and I can't wait to see him again. He paid for my lodging, and its a nice place, but theres no place like home...

settling in

Tonight is my first night in my new "home". I put it in quotes because it is the place I spend most of my week, but my home is still where my grandmother and little sister are right now. In time, that may change. Who knows?

Its a small room. It's comfortable. I have a bed and closet to myself. A bathroom as well- that's about it. I've had less, I'm not complaining. Just explaining where I live. I can't really make it my own seeing as how it is my host family's computer room as well. No matter, its still pretty, i just didn't decorate it.

I got a phone call tonight from an old friend that I haven't talked to in ages. Weird. I don't expect to talk to hime much. Thats the way our friendship is. We talk non-stop for a little while then completely stop talking for 2 months - a year. Love the kid, that's just the way it is. I thought I was in love with him at one point. Then I realized that you have to talk to someone pretty regularly to form a lasting love and gave up my silly little belief in that area. No biggie- I have Dy now. Thank God I didn't persue something with the other guy.

So I was thinking today, wondering how I could do missions and travel. Then I realized that I could take young adult (20-35 year olds) on short term missions trips all over the world. Something maybe 2 weeks long so they know whether or not they want to look into full time missions. I could also direct them in the places God tells me. I now have connections with both YWAM and CLC. A team member needs healing, but doesn't definately want to go into missions- I direct them to YWAM. A team member wants to do a longer short term mission- I send them to YWAM or take them myself with another team. A team member definately wants to do missions for the rest of their lives- I send them to CLC. I mean there's other programs that I could direct them to as well, but #1) I don't have first-hand experiance with them and #2) I don't have contacts with them as of yet. But this is something that I could consider doing. I've always seen myself as eventually starting something, organization or the like, not necessarily joining in on something that has already been started, though that may be a possibility for a little while.

That's really all that's on my mind for the time being. I may think of something a little later... maybe not. Actually- not is more likely, since I'm going to be heading to bed in about 20 minutes.
So goodnight and God bless.

At my new job- where are you?

Howdy all my avid readers! I am working at CLC bookcenter in Northfield, NJ. Full time job. Woot! Its 2:30.. I'm done at 6. I don't have any deep thoughts to think about today.. nothing as of yet. Give me something interesting to think about, and I may think about it. Brian isn't saying anything interesting at the moment. No cheeyness or deepness for mind to ponder. However- my feet are throbbing.

Word to the wise: stay away from Garlic Pizza Bagels from Hot bagels. You will taste the garlic for the rest of the day. Five mints and I'm pretty sure I could knock out an entire city block with my breath. Not so fun. I'm looking for a place to live temporarily down here. So if you know of anyplace, let me know.

Thank you, come again!

Fitting in

Ya know.. as a kid I always dreamed of finding my dad. I never really thought farther then that to siblings and an entire other family. When I set out to find my dad, I wasn't ever even sure that he was going to accept me as his. Needless to say when I met my dad and he welcomed me with open arms, I was overwhelmed with joy and wasn't sure what to think.

Then he told me I had siblings... That terrified me. I was positive that they would hate me taking their daddy from them. They would surely never accept me as one of them. Then I met Katie. Turns out that we share a brain. We are so exactly alike in so many ways that its ridiculous. Talking to the siblings over email, they assured me that they didn't believe in half siblings. It was all or nothing. So I was their sister. Between those emails and meeting Katie.. my fears were calmed slightly. However there was still Dee and Jon to worry about.

Then I got out here to St Louis. I can't realy see myself in Jon and Dee, but we're siblings. Not close ones, but maybe that will come with time. But this entire family- right from my dad's ex and her husband down to the youngest girl- have accepted me as one of their own. I am sharing a room with a thirteen year old girl- my dad's ex's daughter. Her calender had marked "Dina comes" and "Dina leaves :(" on the appropriate days. That is that same level of acceptance I have been experiencing, and I love it.

I love my new family.

In Missouri with my new family!

So Dad, grandpop, and myself packed the three of us into grandpop's prius and drove 17 hours to St Louis, Missouri to visit my new found family. Katie, my 18 year old sister, Katie, graduates from high school tomorrow. So, that's why we're here.

The drive was crazy! I tried to sleep so many time! NO ONE LET ME!! I would fall asleep, then five minutes later, stop at a rest stop. Or I'd fall asleep and get a text, a phone call, or someone would wake me up. Wonderful, right? haha.

So let's see... I really like the family. I come from a good stock! haha. Needless to say... I slept really well last night.